Love and perfection

Most students on campus are not married, but I bet most of them have thought about it at least once. Those who embark upon this adventure are in for some surprises.

I spent the first 38 years of my life looking for the perfect woman, who I later learned doesn't exist. Nor does the perfect man, and heaven knows that if he did, it wouldn't be me. People are odd, quirky and have faults. They can also be inventive, loving and supportive. I decided to get married because I found a woman who was as close as I could come to the perfect mate. She was, and is, intelligent and funny. More importantly, I sensed that she would accept me, faults and all.

In the early years of our marriage I wasted a lot of time expecting that things would run smoothly all the time, and then was disappointed when normal life happened. Child raising is a little scary, there will be conflicts with relatives, there won't be enough time to relax and the constant pressure of two people just trying to earn a living is an everyday reality. It would be easy to love someone if life were perfect. But fortunately since that will be the case exactly never, it is even more rewarding to work through problems together.

As a couple we have attended marriages and funerals. In fact, both of us lost parents after we married. Helping each other through that was an experience that we will never forget. Most wedding vows mention something about "staying together through sickness and health." If your partner still loves you when you are throwing up or weak after surgery, you have chosen well.

It turned out that I am far less perfect than my bride. It's not that I have had affairs. I didn't, nor did I want to. Neither have I had substance abuse problems or spendthrift habits. I never did a lot of other things that get people into trouble. It's just that I was selfish when I should have been giving. I was distant when I should have been close, but I hope I have learned from these missteps. I'm lucky that I get more chances because my wife is so understanding.

Event though we have taken some nice vacations together, it is the little moments we share every day that comprise the bulk of our time together. We like to walk through Wildwood Park and Crosby Gardens, we run errands and we dine together whenever we have time. We've seen some really terrible movies and some very meaningful ones. We talk about politics. Well, to be more precise, I rant and she listens. Sometimes, we are very serious, and far too infrequently, we are silly. My partner likes to sing along with old Beach Boy songs. She is a terrible singer, but I don't care. I love to hear her warbly voice because it means that at that moment, she is happy. She can also do an excellent vocal approximation of a vacuum cleaner encountering a throw rug, complete with accurate pitch change. Not many can do that.

My wife is a good cook, and for that I am thankful. Left to my own devices, it would be tuna fish sandwiches and microwaved hotdogs every night. She works hard all day at her job, then comes home and cooks and does laundry. She also fixes things that her mechanically-challenged husband can't quite figure out.

This December, we celebrate our 19th anniversary, and while not every moment has been perfect, getting married was probably the best decision I ever made.

I love you, sweetie.