2008 Woodie Awards
One hundred uses for an old plastic grocery bag
Alan Rupp and Tony Kreamer
Issue date: 9/7/06 Section: Forum
41. Kroger Man's cape. 42. A way to make people think you're artistic (i.e., American Beauty). 43. A tennis ball. 44. Toilet paper. 45. A way to smuggle Plan B to your little sister. 46. A way of storing your hatred for Kid Rock. 47. A dowry for Anna Nicole Smith. 48. A form of currency. 49. A more effective means of storing walnuts for the winter. 50. A vessel for obtaining plankton.
51. A microcosm of political thought in the United States. 52. A simulation of the Big Bang. 53. An instrument in a band. 54. A lily pad on Lake Erie. 55. A lampshade. 56. A last-minute science fair project. 57. Inspiration for a sitcom. 58. The main character of said sitcom. 59. A synonym for rap. 60. A make-your-own-champagne kit.
61. Hours of entertainment. 62. Wallpaper. 63. An oven mitt. 64. Beerbong. 65. A showerhead. 66. A plant-watering device. 67. A MySpace.com profile. 68. A representation of a cloud in a low-budge Indie film. 69. A philosophical concept of supernatural origin. 70. A physics constant.
71. A hipster book bag. 72. A dust rag. 73. A blindfold for orgies. 74. A proof of God. 75. An interpreter. 76. An extension of the Flying Spaghetti Monster's noodley appendage. 77. A manifestation of Zeus. 78. A painting canvas. 79. A lava boot. 80. Auto-erotic asphyxiation.
81. A crude underwater air tank. 82. The missing link. 83. Protection from weapons of mass destruction. 84. Holders of weapons of mass consumption. 85. Robots' skin. 86. Your alter-ego. 87. A hostage demand. 88. A catch phrase in an Internet-phenomenon movie ("I'm tired of all these motherf***ing bags on this mother f***ing plane!"). 89. A best friend. 90. A girlfriend/boyfriend.
91. Your hopes and dreams. 92. A way to kidnap David Beckham. 93. A door. 94. A derivative Britpop band. 95. A blanket. 96. A feminine hygiene product. 97. A father-figure. 98. A vomit bag. 99. An obscure way to end Tom Cruise's career. 100. A terrible column idea.
51. A microcosm of political thought in the United States. 52. A simulation of the Big Bang. 53. An instrument in a band. 54. A lily pad on Lake Erie. 55. A lampshade. 56. A last-minute science fair project. 57. Inspiration for a sitcom. 58. The main character of said sitcom. 59. A synonym for rap. 60. A make-your-own-champagne kit.
61. Hours of entertainment. 62. Wallpaper. 63. An oven mitt. 64. Beerbong. 65. A showerhead. 66. A plant-watering device. 67. A MySpace.com profile. 68. A representation of a cloud in a low-budge Indie film. 69. A philosophical concept of supernatural origin. 70. A physics constant.
71. A hipster book bag. 72. A dust rag. 73. A blindfold for orgies. 74. A proof of God. 75. An interpreter. 76. An extension of the Flying Spaghetti Monster's noodley appendage. 77. A manifestation of Zeus. 78. A painting canvas. 79. A lava boot. 80. Auto-erotic asphyxiation.
81. A crude underwater air tank. 82. The missing link. 83. Protection from weapons of mass destruction. 84. Holders of weapons of mass consumption. 85. Robots' skin. 86. Your alter-ego. 87. A hostage demand. 88. A catch phrase in an Internet-phenomenon movie ("I'm tired of all these motherf***ing bags on this mother f***ing plane!"). 89. A best friend. 90. A girlfriend/boyfriend.
91. Your hopes and dreams. 92. A way to kidnap David Beckham. 93. A door. 94. A derivative Britpop band. 95. A blanket. 96. A feminine hygiene product. 97. A father-figure. 98. A vomit bag. 99. An obscure way to end Tom Cruise's career. 100. A terrible column idea.