2008 Woodie Awards
One hundred uses for an old plastic grocery bag
Alan Rupp and Tony Kreamer
Issue date: 9/7/06 Section: Forum
The plastic bag gets a bad rep. Most people think it's only valuable for grocery purchases. However, plastic bags are far more useful. We've compiled 100 ideas for those old plastic bags you're most likely going to throw away:
1. An underwear liner. 2. The primary murder weapon. 3. Storage for your old Lou Bega CDs. 4. A mobile blood storage unit. 5. A low-flying kite. 6. Clandestine stem-cell containers. 7. A makeshift gravity bong. 8. Contraceptive for pre-teens. 9. A handy chlorofluorocarbon releaser. 10. A trophy containing a half and half mixture of Iraqi blood and oil.
11. A way to mask your pregnancy: "Are you pregnant?" - "Hey, check out these Lou Bega CDs!" 12. A futuristic tank-top. 13. A sabotage device for anarchists. 14. A stress reliever. 15. A satchel for catching tainted Barry Bonds' home runs. 16. A disguise for appearing homeless. 17. 1/200th of a parachute. 18. A reminder of how far your life has fallen. 19. A cast cover for the shower. 20. A low-tech glove for performing break-ins without leaving your fingerprints.
21. A handkerchief for a cyborg. 22. A glove for back-alley surgeries. 23. A sack for your old Honus Wagner cards. 24. A way to carry kidneys stolen from people in bath-tubs full of ice. 25. Filler for an amputee's empty sleeve. 26. Food (as a last resort). 27. A way to catch rain water to drink before eating. 28. An ineffective boxing glove. 29. A way to hurt the earth for years to come. 30. A means of making Ken Jennings see things "your way" (here's looking at you Trebek).
31. A way to prevent people from sneaking up on you (when strewn about on the floor). 32. Makeshift suicide noose. 33. A crotch-enhancer. 34. A big surprise when you spit it out of your mouth at someone. 35. A way to put out fires. 36. A mask with which to rob people. 37. A replacement for the balls in a recently refurbished McDonald's ball pit. 38. A Happy Meal toy. 39. A pillowcase. 40. A highly effective weapon, when filled with batteries.
1. An underwear liner. 2. The primary murder weapon. 3. Storage for your old Lou Bega CDs. 4. A mobile blood storage unit. 5. A low-flying kite. 6. Clandestine stem-cell containers. 7. A makeshift gravity bong. 8. Contraceptive for pre-teens. 9. A handy chlorofluorocarbon releaser. 10. A trophy containing a half and half mixture of Iraqi blood and oil.
11. A way to mask your pregnancy: "Are you pregnant?" - "Hey, check out these Lou Bega CDs!" 12. A futuristic tank-top. 13. A sabotage device for anarchists. 14. A stress reliever. 15. A satchel for catching tainted Barry Bonds' home runs. 16. A disguise for appearing homeless. 17. 1/200th of a parachute. 18. A reminder of how far your life has fallen. 19. A cast cover for the shower. 20. A low-tech glove for performing break-ins without leaving your fingerprints.
21. A handkerchief for a cyborg. 22. A glove for back-alley surgeries. 23. A sack for your old Honus Wagner cards. 24. A way to carry kidneys stolen from people in bath-tubs full of ice. 25. Filler for an amputee's empty sleeve. 26. Food (as a last resort). 27. A way to catch rain water to drink before eating. 28. An ineffective boxing glove. 29. A way to hurt the earth for years to come. 30. A means of making Ken Jennings see things "your way" (here's looking at you Trebek).
31. A way to prevent people from sneaking up on you (when strewn about on the floor). 32. Makeshift suicide noose. 33. A crotch-enhancer. 34. A big surprise when you spit it out of your mouth at someone. 35. A way to put out fires. 36. A mask with which to rob people. 37. A replacement for the balls in a recently refurbished McDonald's ball pit. 38. A Happy Meal toy. 39. A pillowcase. 40. A highly effective weapon, when filled with batteries.