2008 Woodie Awards
Valentine alternatives
Ken Nesbett
Issue date: 2/12/07 Section: Forum
In case you haven't noticed yet, Wednesday is Valentine's Day. Girls who are in relationships have probably had this day highlighted on their calendars for months to help their boyfriends remember. Guys in relationships who forgot it was coming up - you can thank me later, but right now you need to get to the store. Hurry! And for everyone else, there are probably people who truly care and truly don't care about Valentine's Day.
For those who care, it is said to be the "loneliest day of the year." Personally, I believe that attitude is bogus. Listen up ladies and gentlemen, Valentine's Day doesn't have to be so lonely. Here are a few tips to help you get through this holiday with a clear head and a happy heart.
1. Go out to eat with friends: My single buddies and I have pulled off this little stunt since freshman year. We figure it's not right only people who are dating get the pleasure of fine dining on Valentine's Day. So we get everyone together and carpool to a nice, local restaurant, and typically, we are the only non-couples in the eatery. Plus, it is the only time when it is easier to get a table for four than a table for two.
2. Pretend you're gay/straight: I've actually never done this before, but I did see Brokeback Mountain with a male friend at a movie theater. We joked the whole time that no heterosexual "couple" could ever do anything less heterosexual, but I dare you to try. When you go out you can make up fake names, jobs and life stories. Try to make small talk with the waitress, the shopkeeper or people in the lobby, and see how authentic you can create your characters. For all my gay friends out there, try going out as a make-believe heterosexual couple. But please remember to be respectful and no public display of affection. No matter your sexual orientation, public displays of affection are a big turn off (that goes for real couples as well).
3. Pretend you're in a fight: OK, so you are out on your fake date, and you get bored making small talk with the waitress. This whole faking it thing is starting to feel too real. So mix it up a bit and pretend to get into a fight. Yell, scream, call names, do anything to make it more dramatic - just remember children might be around, so try not to curse. To make it more genuine, have one person storm out of the restaurant in a fit of make-believe rage. You'll get everyone's attention and possibly some sympathy from the other patrons. If you do a really good job, you might even get a free meal or drinks.
4. Just ignore it: So what, it's Valentine's Day? In reality, it is nothing more than another cold Wednesday in February. The point is, you don't need to be in a relationship to be happy. The comedian Dane Cook once notably called most relationships, "relationshits" because more often than not, they end up in despair. College is supposed to be one of the best times of your lives on so many different levels. The most satisfying aspect of college is meeting new people and developing your self among a new and diverse group of people and perspectives. It is my belief that if you are stuck in a relationship, it is hard to grow and discover who you truly are. So go ahead and ignore Valentine's Day. Watch a movie, study for your exam or play some beer pong with your best friends. And be honest, do you even remember what you did last Valentine's Day?
For those who care, it is said to be the "loneliest day of the year." Personally, I believe that attitude is bogus. Listen up ladies and gentlemen, Valentine's Day doesn't have to be so lonely. Here are a few tips to help you get through this holiday with a clear head and a happy heart.
1. Go out to eat with friends: My single buddies and I have pulled off this little stunt since freshman year. We figure it's not right only people who are dating get the pleasure of fine dining on Valentine's Day. So we get everyone together and carpool to a nice, local restaurant, and typically, we are the only non-couples in the eatery. Plus, it is the only time when it is easier to get a table for four than a table for two.
2. Pretend you're gay/straight: I've actually never done this before, but I did see Brokeback Mountain with a male friend at a movie theater. We joked the whole time that no heterosexual "couple" could ever do anything less heterosexual, but I dare you to try. When you go out you can make up fake names, jobs and life stories. Try to make small talk with the waitress, the shopkeeper or people in the lobby, and see how authentic you can create your characters. For all my gay friends out there, try going out as a make-believe heterosexual couple. But please remember to be respectful and no public display of affection. No matter your sexual orientation, public displays of affection are a big turn off (that goes for real couples as well).
3. Pretend you're in a fight: OK, so you are out on your fake date, and you get bored making small talk with the waitress. This whole faking it thing is starting to feel too real. So mix it up a bit and pretend to get into a fight. Yell, scream, call names, do anything to make it more dramatic - just remember children might be around, so try not to curse. To make it more genuine, have one person storm out of the restaurant in a fit of make-believe rage. You'll get everyone's attention and possibly some sympathy from the other patrons. If you do a really good job, you might even get a free meal or drinks.
4. Just ignore it: So what, it's Valentine's Day? In reality, it is nothing more than another cold Wednesday in February. The point is, you don't need to be in a relationship to be happy. The comedian Dane Cook once notably called most relationships, "relationshits" because more often than not, they end up in despair. College is supposed to be one of the best times of your lives on so many different levels. The most satisfying aspect of college is meeting new people and developing your self among a new and diverse group of people and perspectives. It is my belief that if you are stuck in a relationship, it is hard to grow and discover who you truly are. So go ahead and ignore Valentine's Day. Watch a movie, study for your exam or play some beer pong with your best friends. And be honest, do you even remember what you did last Valentine's Day?
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