In nation of divorce, students talk marriage

Some say finding the keys to a lasting relationship can be as difficult as marriage itself.


During a forum Thursday titled "Why Did I Get Married?" sponsored by the Black Student Union, students gathered to share their thoughts on marriage and what it takes to keep one going.  Both panel members, James Jackson, director of the African-American Enrichment Student Initiatives Office, and Sammy Spann, director of Camp Adventure, are familiar with marriage. Jackson has been married for 11 years, and Spann has been married for seven.


The forum started with the attendees talking about finding the right person with whom to have a successful marriage and how that can be a challenge in itself. 

"Some people carry that ‘fairytale relationship' all the way until an ‘I do,'" said Spann, talking about couples who try to make a relationship work on the outside when, on the inside, it's "just breaking down into another statistic."


"Fifty-one percent of marriages in the U.S. end in a divorce," said Jackson. "Marriages break up because of three things: P.M.S. — power, money and sex."

During the forum, multiple questions were brought up regarding one's loyalty to his or her spouse. Two questions dealt with whether the forum attendees would be able to stay with their spouses when faced with obstacles like cheating and disease. The consensus in the room seemed to be that one must remain loyal to one's spouse no matter what.


Before his marriage, Jackson was asked if he would still want to marry his wife if she was paralyzed from the neck down.


"You start thinking about how much you want to be with that person outside of physicalities," said Jackson, who admitted that if a person could do that then he or she could have a lasting, successful marriage.


Spann could also relate to challenges facing dating couples. While walking in the park, Spann and his future wife saw a married couple of 36 years, and Spann recalled thinking, "I don't want nothing for 36 years but my hair and teeth."


Once married, though, he said they realized how much a marriage has to work both ways.


"God gave us two ears and a mouth for a reason," Spann said. "We should listen more than talk."


The other key that the attendees discussed was dealing with little problems before they become big ones. An analogy of pebbles and a scale was used to explain this. Spann said when a pebble is placed on a scale, it seems like nothing, but as they accumulate, the overall effect of them on the scale is enormous.


Relationships are a work in progress, and according to Spann, "Everything in life worth having will be hard."