Quips and tips

What can you expect when a book's dust jacket is printed on cheap laminated paper, but makes grandiose claims such as "What do Harvard professors and garbage men have in common?" – surprisingly not an underground pressing of "Freakanomics."

Canadian-born author Max Gold takes a crack at the preachy social sarcastic genre with "Don't Judge a Dick by Its Foreskin."

Though the title seems to suggest caution for quick judgments, the book is a straightforward neo-libertarian rant that leaves little to be learned and much to be desired.

Divided into two acts, Gold uses 208 pages to explain, indulge and decry every social topic from birth control to China's economic growth. Act I appears to be dedicated to all woes related to religion and the meaning of life; Act II covers perceived ignorance in the United States and the federal government's ideological follies.

Though the blog-to-book genre has been growing in popularity in recent times (look no further than the rack at Urban Outfitters for "Stuff White People Like" and "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.") it is already tired and loathsome.

While Gold's short diatribes weren't first made as posts, they are far too pedantically didactic to pass for articles – most times it feels as if Gold is shouting at you through the pages.

Another similarity it bears to internet literature is that it hosts the same characteristic snottiness and is shallow on proof explanations.

"Guns are what keeps society free. Every a--hole that ever ruined and plundered a nation, achieved the ability to do so by disarming the obstacle to his unlimited power – the people," Gold writes in his section on guns and gun rights.

The book is rife with claims of this nature and avoids any corroboration. Overall, the work is too simplistic, with every section labeled "Guns" or "The End of the World" and containing three to four paragraphs of easy-to-grab answers – some of which are factually incorrect.

He follows up his despot envisioning with the rhetorical argument "Do you think the Communist Party in China would have the ability to crack down on people like it does, if say 100,000 were armed and could fight for, or against things like democratic political parties, freedom of speech, land ownership and confiscation, a free press and internet, or human rights?"

In reality, a 2006 raid in China discovered over 178,000 guns, in 2008 Chinese marksmen seized 51 gold metals, and the unrest in Xinjiang Province in 2009 reported numerous cases of civilians directly opposing Chinese soldiers. No laws existed until 1966, years after the Communist Party implemented the Great Leap Forward, which was arguably the most catastrophic "crackdown" in the organization's history. Conservative estimates speculate 14 million starved to death in the failed agricultural and industrialization campaign.

Gold is a naturalized American citizen, and sings praises of it to the tune of a Tea Party anthem.

"The founding fathers were the smartest, most enlightened group of men ever assembled in the history of our species," he writes.

A bit much from a man that returned to living in Canada and admits in so many words to be a non-functioning member of any society.

There are no pictures in the book, not even of the author. Even Bernard Goldberg's bombastic "100 People Who Are Screwing Up America" had pictures.

One section is printed in reverse, and one with a Spanish translation – it would seem that a book like this would have plenty of them for comedic distraction.

It's a difficult read for anybody holding strong political opinions. If you disagree with Gold, you're bound to be upset 10 pages into it. In contrast, when he and you share a view, it's bound to shake your faith in your conviction.

The only credence to the title of this manifesto comes in the purporting that the book is humorous. Jokes are few and far between; he writes in "Drugs" that "If your drug use causes harm to another, [you should be held responsible] unless of course, you are foreign."

Comments like these made the book difficult to digest. While reading the book, it's easy to ask yourself "Am I missing the point? Is this the digital age's ‘A Modest Proposal'?"

Perhaps the work is so satirical that your tongue should be firmly within your cheek with each word you read? To add to this confusion, famous TV satirist and author of a more obvious effort of a similar stripe "America: So Can You" endorses it on the back.

In the beginning of the book, Gold asks the readers "While the God vs. Devil notion is just a projection of our psyche, I can't help but wonder that if there was a Devil, who had full reign over our world… wouldn't it dupe us by pretending to be the good guy?"

With complete control over the unchecked facts and conflated suppositions in "Don't Judge a Dick by It's Cover," Gold presents the perfect metaphor for his book.